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Welcome to the Daily Show. I'm Josh Johnson. We've got so much to talk about
tonight. Donald Trump is losing his mind and his hands. He's inventing new ways
to do makeup wrong. And he has a dream that one day he will not be judged by
the content of the Epstein Files. So, let's get into the headlines.
Let's kick things off with distractions. what it looks like when they're fed to
the media and what it looks like when they don't work. Because right now,
Donald Trump is desperate to move on from the Epstein files. But the story is
only building. A major development just in. The Department of Justice says it is
trying to set up a meeting with longtime Jeffrey Epstein associate Galileain
Maxwell, who's in prison. The Justice Department now putting out a new
statement and saying if Gain Maxwell has information about anyone who has
committed crimes against victims, the FBI and the DOJ will hear what she has
to say. Wait,
you haven't talked to Galain Maxwell? Epstein's accomplice, the woman he's in
the most pictures with. Wouldn't she be your first witness?
Also, also stick with me here. How funny would it be if the FBI gets there and
she's like, "I'm finally ready to talk. I'm finally ready to tell you
everything." But then at the last second, she grabs one of the agents guns
and takes herself out. The FBI would have to come out like,
"Okay, okay, I know how this looks."
[Applause] But I swear I swear. Here's how much I
want you to believe me. We did do the first one. Okay,
we we did run up on Epstein and like held him down, shook him a little bit.
We We didn't do this one. But while we wait to see if Galain
survives this interview, Trump Trump has been doing everything that he
can to keep those files under wraps. He's even got his friends in Congress
trying to help. Mike Johnson shut down the House just to avoid a vote on the
release of the files. Yeah.
Do you understand that they clear Congress out for the summer like they
found a dookie in the pool? [Applause]
But trying to shut down the release of the files only makes them more
interesting. So, over the last week, Trump has been throwing every
distraction he can at us. And I want to go through some of them to show you how
desperate he's getting. Let's start with his go-to distraction,
Obama. >> The witch hunt that you should be
talking about is they caught President Obama absolutely cold. They tried to
steal the election. They tried to obfuscate the election. Irrefutable
proof that Obama was sedacious.
[Applause] No booze aside.
Sedacious. >> It feels like he's mispronouncing a new
black friend's name. Oh, I want you to meet my friend
Sedacious. Thanks. It's Shawn.
The problem with this distraction is that it's so old Jeffrey Epstein
wouldn't date it. All right. Trump has been going after Obama for decades. He's
not he he's going to need something else, something juicy.
>> The White House offering an unexpected health update on President Trump,
revealing that he recently underwent a battery of tests and has now been
diagnosed with chronic venus insufficiency. Doctors tell us it means
there isn't adequate blood flow to the veins in the legs, which can cause
swelling. >> Oh no,
look at that ankle. When I said something juicy, I didn't
mean a shoe should not give you a muffin top.
And I cannot stress how big of a deal this is because they never admit that
Trump has anything but impeccable health. Usually they bring out a doctor
to be like, "Donald Trump has big muscles and a girthy ass dick.
Medically speaking, he makes Hercules look like a pig with cancer."
Like, I'm not exaggerating. His doctors once said that his blood pressure was
astonishingly excellent. That's not even how blood pressure
works. Blood pressure is numbers. If you want
to impress us, say 120 over 80. They made it sound like Trump could control
his blood pressure like the settings on a fancy hose.
His blood pressure is on miss, but he can turn it up to cone or jet if he so
chooses. But I get why they put this out. One,
it's a good distraction. And two, people have been starting to notice that Trump
looks medically speaking like >> After these images of President Trump
started to draw attention, apparent bruises on his hands covered with makeup
seen in February. And this week, the White House physician says it's
consistent with minor soft tissue irritation from frequent handshaking and
the use of aspirin. >> Well, problem solved.
No one's going to shake hands that look like that.
Even that hand right there, they they you could tell that the thumb is like ew
ew ew e. But okay, Trump violating his own hippo
rights didn't get people to move on from Epstein. So now he's getting snacks
involved. >> President Trump says he's convinced
CocaCola to change its recipe. The president claims that the company has
agreed to start using real cane sugar in Coke products.
>> This is so insulting. Trump's treating Americans like a kid you can bribe with
a treat. Allow me to demonstrate what Donald Trump is going for here.
I don't care about pedophilia anymore. delicious.
And if all that doesn't work for you, if you don't care about Coke or Trump's
health, don't worry. He's got some true crime for you. This morning, the Trump
administration releasing more than 230,000 pages of records related to the
assassination of civil rights icon Martin Luther King Jr.
>> That's how bad things are for Trump. His back is against the wall so hard he's
releasing more black history. But this might be the worst distraction
because all he did was remind us that he can declassify thousands of secret files
and people noticed. >> Bernice King, the daughter of Dr. Martin
Luther King Jr. posted this picture on social media with the caption that
simply reads, "Now do the Epstein files."
Damn, that is cold. Do you know how much you have to screw
up for Dr. King's family to go, "No, no, we choose violence."
>> If Trump wants to distract us, all he has to do is keep his promises. If you
ended the wars in Gaza and Ukraine, that'd be extremely distracting. If you
put up affordable housing, Americans would be like, "What Epstein files?
What epste files? I'm too distracted me memorizing my new home address.
If you want to think of it in terms you can understand, think of it like a
bribe. Mr. President, you're the deal guy. Make us a deal. We want to know
what's in the Epstein files. But if you put some universal healthc care in your
palm and hand it over Epstein who? I ain't say nothing.
>> For more on Trump trying to get away from the Epstein files, let's go live to
the Department of Justice with Grace Coolen Smith.
>> Grace, these MLK files are such a waste of time. Yeah, nothing I do on this show
is a waste of time, Josh, because I actually went through all of the MLK
files and there are some bombshells. >> Let me stop you right there because last
week you said Pam Bondi gave you new Epstein files and they were clearly
doctorred to make Trump look good. So, are you sure these MLK files are real?
>> 100% absolutely. They gave me real files this time, like this secret audio
recording of MLK on a vintage iPod mini from 1963.
>> I don't feel good about the way this is starting.
>> Just wait until you hear it. This is the first time it's ever been played
publicly and it will shock you. >> Are all the plans set for tomorrow's
March on Washington? Yes, Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Day. Do you want
me to invite Jeffrey Epstein to speak at it? No. My good friend Donald Trump told
me Epstein is a bad person and I always listen to Donald Trump. President Trump
is an inspiration to me and there's nothing wrong with the way his hands and
ankles look. >> I mean, wow. Thank you. FBI Sunlight
truly is the best disinfectant. >> Grace, there's so many things wrong with
that recording. >> Name six.
The timeline makes no sense. They didn't have iPods back then. That sounded like
somebody doing an impression of Dr. King. He called Trump President Trump
and the other guy called him Martin Luther King Jr. Day.
Sounds to me like you don't really respect Dr. Day. But fine, if you don't
believe that, take a look at this document Tulsi Gabbard gave me. It's a
secret letter MLK wrote from a Birmingham jail.
>> No. No. MLK's letter from a Birmingham jail was never secret. We all read it in
school. >> Yeah, the front of it. But only Tulsi
Gabbard had the brains to flip it over. And on the back, Dr. King wrote, "PS,
fun fact about jail. Lots of pedophiles kill themselves here. It's a totally
normal thing that shouldn't be investigated.
That was clearly made up. MLK never said the words fun fact.
>> Well, the FBI file says it was his signature catchphrase. So, fun fact,
you're wrong again. >> It's not suspicious to you that all
these secret files exonerate Trump from knowing Epstein.
>> That's why they're secret, Josh. Because the deep state has been out to get Trump
and MLK was trying to expose their scheme. He said it in a secret video I
found in the MLK files in a folder labeled Grace. Look at this. Check it
out. >> Free at last. Free at last. Thank God
Almighty. >> Donald Trump has never met Jeffrey
Epstein. Grace, that's the most famous speech in
the world. We all know he didn't say that.
>> Then why is the speech called fun fact I have a dream?
>> We're never trusting you with documents again. Grace, cool, and Schmidt.
Everyone, [Music]